"Is there another room in the home which provides for a more natural setting for a couple’s intimacy than their own bedroom and particularly their bed? Just walking into another person’s boudoir makes me uneasy, it’s their sanctuary and their holy of holies, and not for random strangers. The bedroom is where lives are made and secrets told. There are few other places where a couple can be so open with each other or where they can more freely enjoy each other’s affection and sensuality. It’s a place where couples can reconnect and where they can fall in love again and again. If the bedroom is love’s temple then the bed is it’s shrine.
It was also unsurprising that these same couples who slept in separate rooms had virtually no sex life to speak of . Without the ability for closeness with his wife, a husband will find other places for his passion such as his job while her desire gets stifled or redirected towards the children. If allowed to continue they soon can become so disconnected emotionally and spiritually they may as well be strangers and any impression they might give of being the happy couple is only by sheer luck or to intentionally throw others off the trail.
I’ve often wondered what these men thought as they moved into their guest bedroom with suitcase in hand, what was going through their mind? Did they offer to fix the problem? Did they ever attempt to even change her mind? Or were they too busy returning emails or catching up on the latest scores to even bother thinking about it, because ignoring seems much simpler than dealing with the real issues in the relationship? Or maybe he was just satisfied that doing so would shut her up for a while.
I’m convinced of few stronger signals that a relationship is in serious jeopardy than when couples stop sleeping in the same bed together."
This follows what I've seen as well, though I doubt most men are "too busy returning emails or catching up on the latest scores to even bother thinking about it." That's blue pill thinking. Men know something is wrong but don't know how to fix it.
I knew a guy who was tall, broad-shouldered, proud, and aggressive in public. He was older but fit. His voice filled the room and he'd slap you on the back, then lean in and share a confidence in your ear like you'd been friends forever. You'd assume he was a solid alpha, or at least a very confident beta.
Until you visited him at home.
The children had moved out some years before. His wife, an overweight and bitchy woman who ran a very successful business catering to the rich, ran his life at home. He would cringe and hunch over when she came into the room and complained at him about something. It was the strangest transformation you could imagine. Dr. Heckled and Mr. Pride.
They had a beautiful house in a beautiful neighborhood. Nice cars. Nice stuff.
But they had separate rooms. He once half-apologized to me about it in a fumbling way. "You know, as folks get older, sometimes they just start to go their own way, so a few years ago she let me have this room..."
On the wall of his room were pictures of classic guns, sports memorabilia and other masculine accoutrements.
Yet he slept there alone.
Late one evening we were talking and he got talking about his marriage. He told me he was afraid. Afraid of being alone.
Yet he was worse than alone. His wife despised him.
What if he'd said "no" when she told him to get his own room?
What makes a "tough" guy turn to mush around his wife?
Why would he even stay?
Tell me what you think.
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